This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
