Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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