It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
