why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
