I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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