hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
