just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
