I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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