eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
