True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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