Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This is classic penis vs brain.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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