Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
