my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This is the high leading the old right now
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
