I cannot find my penis.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
COCAINE IS GR8
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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