on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
