well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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