Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
