his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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