fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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