its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
