im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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