Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
