you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My dick has a subreddit
Let's get the cat blown out
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
