i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
