I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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