Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
