Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
COCAINE IS GR8
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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