She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize