If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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