At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
