Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Randomize
