I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
