some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
