i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
