Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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