she was so not down for the gang bang
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
