The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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