that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So much Jack, so little girl.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
