So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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