i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
