just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
