Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
