Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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