Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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