I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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