My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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