yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
