tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
