Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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