I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
