You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
its liver damage thursday
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
