Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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