So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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