It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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