Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
