Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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