im holly from the hills drunk
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
