That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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